I am painfully aware that I have not written on this for quite some time now, mostly because I was being lazy and because I couldn't think of anything that seemed worth writing about. Anyways I've decided it might be fun to try and write something again, so here goes...I will tell you a tale of my summer time adventures.
I go to the gym on a regular basis, like almost daily if I am not in the mood for running. Sometimes I just don't want to run, or sometimes something hurts and I can't run, so I go to the gym. The gym I go to is located Downtown. They get a lot of business people who work Downtown, as well as people like me who just want to go to a gym that has actual lockers and showers. They also provide scholarship money for people who cannot afford a membership, which is cool. Most of the gyms in this town are the 24hr fitness centers that have little cubbies to put your stuff in, and you have to drive home all sweaty and gross because they don't have showers....that's not really my thing, so I am particularly fond of the gym I go to, mainly because of the showers.
Anyways, when I go to the gym, I generally put my clothes and all my valuables in one of the lockers provided for day use and obviously lock it so no one steals my stuff. I leave my gym bag containing my shampoo, conditioner, mousse, deodorant, hair brush, etc out, and I put that above my locker. My thinking on this being, there isn't really a whole lot of room in the lockers for my giant gym bag, and if someone really needs shampoo or conditioner or whatever that bad, then they are welcome to use them, and I won't be out too much money ya know? Of course I don't want people touching, using, or taking my stuff, but it's not going to be a hardship to me if one of those things goes missing.
So, one day, when I went to gym, I went about my normal routine with putting my stuff in my locker and my gym bag above the locker...like I have been doing for over four years now without any problems! Then I proceed to go and workout. When I come back to the locker room when my workout is finished, I notice that my gym bag is not quite in the spot I left it. It is above the locker next to mine, not above my locker like I left it. This is not unusual, as sometimes people accidentally bump your stuff, or they're rude and just want to move it out of their own way. I hate when people touch my stuff. Most people are aware that it is not ok to touch and or move other peoples' belongings in the locker room. It's a freaking code, just don't do it!
So this is not unusual, though not common by any means, so, slightly annoyed, I proceed to get ready for my shower. When I go to get my shampoo and conditioner out one of the pockets of my gym bag, I have the unpleasant discovery that they are not there. They are always there...in the same pocket. They only come out of the pocket when they are being used, and then they go straight back into the pocket. Someone has stolen my things! The nerve!
I just stood there, slightly flabbergasted, for a few moments, trying to determine how I was going to proceed with my shower if I didn't have shampoo. The confusion then mutated into anger and resentment. Who did this kind of thing anyway? The sense of violation I had was overwhelming, and it was just shampoo and conditioner, things that were easily replaced. I can't imagine how I would feel if it was something more valuable that was stolen.
I decided to check my pocket one more time in the vain hope that somehow my hygiene products would magically reappear in their proper gym bag pocket. While I was doing this, a woman walked into my little section of the locker room and put her shampoo and conditioner down on the bench in front of me where I was once again frantically trying to find my shampoo and conditioner. She was using the locker right next to the one I was using. I looked up briefly as she set down the shampoo and conditioner in front of me, and guess the fuck what! They were my shampoo and conditioner! I know this because my shampoo and conditioner rarely ever match. I always end up with two different kinds because somehow my shampoo always gets used up first, so I have to go buy another one. When I do this, I usually buy one that smells different from the one I had before, thus no longer matching the conditioner I have. So I generally end up with a shampoo for more volume or something and a conditioner for dry hair or whatever. Anyways, the point being, these were my Goddamn products!
I decided to give the lady a little grace, so I say "Oh gee, did I take these out of my bag and forget that I set them there? I'm so spacey sometimes."
Her response was, "Oh no. Them were in my locker. They mine."
I was a little angry at this response, and I wasn't ready to give up on my things. "Really? Because they are the exact same kind that I use, and mine are missing from my bag."
"Nope. They was in my bag. They mine."
At this point I was really annoyed and angry. You have the nerve to steal my stuff, and then put that stuff down in front of me and say it was yours all along? WTF!?! However, for whatever reason, I am not the kind of person who can just come out and say "I know you stole my stuff, and now I want it back, so hand it over." For whatever reason, I just can't seem to cause a scene, even when it may be necessary. I don't know why I am like this. I wish I was better at just saying what comes to mind, but that's not how I am, and it is damn infuriating sometimes. So, I just looked her in the eyes and glared, my feeble attempt to communicate "I know what you did, and I'm not happy about it. So there!" I then proceeded to march myself off to the showers and use the soap the gym provides for members to use. I hate using it though because to me, it smells like vomit, and I never feel clean after using it. But, today I don't really have a choice, as I was drenched in sweat when I was done with my work out and it had now dried all over me, making me feel crusty and gross. I used the vomit soap and go back to my locker to get dressed.
When I returned to my locker, the shampoo stealer was not there anymore. She had gone off to dry her hair. Her locker, however, was open, and her stuff was still in there. I decided to peak in and see if I could see my stuff. Sure enough, when I looked in, there in a bright pink bag, was my shampoo and conditioner. In fact not only my shampoo and conditioner were in there. My hair mousse, my deodorant, and my body lotion were all in there too! I decided I was going to be rash and steal my stuff back.
I have never been more terrified in my life! While I was taking my stuff from her, I was so afraid she was going to walk around the corner and see me stealing my stuff. If this happened, a scene would be caused, and there would be no going back. People would have to get involved. She was a much larger woman than me, and there was no doubt in my mind that she could snap me in half with little effort. My heart was racing so fast I thought for sure, despite all the exercise I do to prevent such a thing, I was going to have a heart attack and die with my stolen back shampoo clutched in my hands. I was shaking like a leaf.
Once my stuff was safely in bag where it belonged, I dressed as fast as I could and booked it out of there. I didn't even brush my hair. I just got out as fast as I could. I'm sure I looked like a crazy hobo woman or something with my snarled hair and clothes haphazardly thrown onto my body, but I had my stuff back. Victory. I was still terrified she was going to come out and chase after me, demanding I return the things I stole, or break me in half.
When I got home, I was still shaking from all the adrenaline and the fear of being caught. Never again will I steal anything. I didn't fully recover for another few hours after returning home, after my husband politely told me that maybe I needed a drink or something. This is why I will never be a criminal.
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